Corncob Curls


During childhood grandma always tells me, "There, girl, you look just like Marlene Dietrich!" She and I are old fashion about notions of beauty. Grandma enjoys fancying up my hair for birthday parties, Saturday pasture fish fries and for visiting with relatives, friends and whomever around our farming community.

A chore of many of mine on our rural Oklahoma farm is making corn flour. We make this flour by grinding and pulverizing dry corn kernels, takes all day to make a few pounds of corn flour to use as cornstarch when mixed with well water. Grandma teaches me to use cornstarch to thicken pie pudding, chicken gravy, bread dough and to starch grandpa's shirts which is a chore sprinkling his long sleeve white shirts with cornstarch then ironing with a steel iron heated on grandma's wood burning cooking stove. We don't know why grandpa wants his shirts starched and ironed, we hardly ever leave our farm. Probably has to do with his pride and dignity.

Cornstarch works great for corncob curls. Grandma wants me to look nice, I want to look pretty for special events. I suppose this is our pride and dignity notion. Grandma mixes up water and corn flour for setting my curls. She sorts out thick strands of my hair, wets my hair with cornstarch then rolls my hair around a corncob. To hold those in place she cuts off short pieces of cotton string then ties my cobs in place to set and dry. Between our jaw flapping and swapping lies this takes about an hour to corncob curl my hair.

While my hair stiffens and dries, I choose a nice hand-me-down dress to wear, typically a forties summer dress an aunt wore long before I am born. Grandma unties my corncobs, helps me slip my dress over my head then she fusses and musses with my hair. When done, she steps back, claps her hands, grins, "There, girl, you look just like Marlene Dietrich!" She makes me happy.

Corncob curls are a fashion rage! All of us girls, young and old, love our corncob curls. We are down in Louisiana for those photographs. We are visiting a relative by marriage. He is a Southern Baptist preacher man and is building a new church edge of a pine forest. My cowboy and I are frightened of the man, being ignorant dry dirt farmers we believe the preacher man can send us to Hades with a wink of an eye and a snap of his almighty fingers.

Fearful, my husband and I stand stiff as pine stumps, hands behind our backs, feet together and we don't dare smile. My cowboy is so fearful he will not look at the camera! We are married, I am closer to fourteen than thirteen and closer to pregnant than not. We cannot tell our preacher man relative we are married and fornicating because a Choctaw elder married us out in a field of corn. Our marriage is not sanctified by God, my cowboy and I are living a life of wanton sin.

Not long back I become interested to learn this history of corncob curls. This is historically a way of farming wives and girls to look pretty for the boys but mostly for self. I discover a reference to cornstarch used in a recipe for "artificial semen" or more succinct, fake cum. Inherently I absolutely must look!

After watching this amusing video I set aside my corncob curlers and chase after "synthetic semen". I come across a company which appears to be a leader amongst many involved in this adult entertainment industry: Magic Money Shot.

Easy enough to see how their "Spunk" product works. This is a quintessential douche but no vagina. Bulb is filled with fake semen then readied by squeezing semen into a tube. A lead man out-of-camera-view holds this tube alongside his penis, erect or not, reaches back behind his backside, holds this bulb and, after much exciting moaning and groaning, he squeezes the semen bulb. This boy can hit a ceiling, shoot clean over a girl's head, splatter a girl's face a hundred times or hose her down with a continuous minute long steady stream of semen.

Sales pitch of Magic Money Shot makes sense. This product is advertised as a cure for male actors who come up short or cannot come up at all. Some boys do not squirt enough, others cannot cum on camera cue. Often boys perform their final act before they begin. This does explain why some porno kings appear half erect and somewhat limp yet blast like a fire hose Clydesdale stallion. Notion is male performance problems add to production costs.

There is an amusing statement at Spunk, "...created two flavors: Vanilla, which is nice enough not to gag...other flavor is authentic ‘cum flavor'. That one's not so tasty. It's a little salty and a little alkaline... this one might make you gag."

This has me wonder why a person would buy an edible product which tastes bad and causes choking. I suppose this is porno movie audiences somehow sense taste perhaps even smell and will know if an ejaculation scene is fake.

Over at Amazon I am surprised, I do not expect to find synthetic semen advertised but Amazon offers many vanities for every taste and smell. This seems challenging to create convincing fake cum which does make for humor.

My amusement is taste of our cowboy ranges from a hint of tart to a slight sweet taste depending on what we feed him much like our stallions, not the boy kind, actual horses. Bacon, eggs, whiskey, Italian and Mexican foodstuffs have him taste on the tart side. Sweet potatoes and sweet peas, cow's milk, chocolate pie, ice cream and brandy give him a sweet taste.

Easy to detect a stallion's diet. Grazing on stinging nettle and wild mustard has our stallions' semen a bit tart. Green alfalfa and sweet oats makes for delicate sweet tasting stallion semen.

This smell of semen befuddles me. Our cowboy does not smell nor does semen of our stallions smell. Sometimes my husband smells like horse sweat for a simple reason, backside and legs of his jeans are drenched with horse sweat from exercising and training our horses. Of course our horses smell like what they are, horses. Our girl does not notice a semen smell. Our girlfriends never mention a semen smell. I am not sure what to make of this adding an odor to fake semen.

When our stallions eyeball our girl and I walking out to pasture carrying a bucket of soapy water and a wide mouth quart canning jar those big boys become excited. No need to whistle-up our horses, they know what is coming. Our stallions gallop over, prance and dance, snort and whinny and grin at us. Mares gather close and watch with curious eyes, they know this is enjoyable, they know the two of us girls are harem mares like them.

Rather fun, after plenty of loving attention, curry brushing and an enjoyably arousing washing we playfully hand collect our prime ingredient. Our two stallions are delighted to generously give us about a cup and a half of semen, enough to mix up a couple dozen stallion shooters.

While pasture pillow talking with our stallions and mares, our girl and I swish a finger around in our jar or simply finger swipe a stallion's big business end for a warm and fresh taste. Being ornery the two of girls will at times issue challenge dares to take a taste in erotic ways. We always accept each others dares, gives us those tingling tummy lightning and, giggles.

If a bit on the tangy side we will mix cocktails using a fruit flavored brandy to add sweetness. When a sweet taste we use Baileys Irish Cream for mixer to give an aftertaste tangy zing.

Many of our girlfriends love toasting and downing stallion shooters as we do. Always fun to make those uncertain glances and nervous laughs, bit of a ritual actually mostly to entertain those not quite spunky enough to drink stallion shooters. There is an enjoyable light and subtle taste of semen, most certainly. Most noticeable is stallion semen slippery coats and clings to the inside of a girl's mouth, cheeks, tongue, gums and especially throat. Taste and sensation is just like our cowboy and I am sure like other boys.

Thrill for us girls is not so much the drinking rather our thrill is knowing what we are drinking. Swallowing is a physical thrill while willingly drinking stallion semen is a tummy lightning bug grinning thrill.

Only one boy will drink a stallion shooter with us girls, our cowboy. He grins, toasts and drinks with us but only one shooter. Two of us girls act like this is his secret, he enjoys a stallion shooter with our girlfriends to stay on their good side. A few of those girls do share their good sides with him. Our girl and I do not mind his sharing cornstarch, he shares his heart with only the two of us.

Other boys will not touch a stallion shooter shot glass, a few will not even watch us girls enjoying drinking our shooters. None will speak of this but we know this is a homophobic reaction; boys ain't supposed to swallow.

Once in a great while we suffer blistering critique for our drinking stallion shooters although those cocktails are sold in some offbeat bars around our world at twenty-five dollars to fifty dollars per shot. Stallion shooters are considered an exotic delicatessen cocktail. There is hypocritical duplicity to be noted. This finally has me erotically come to my true topic.

Most boys and some girls think drinking stallion semen is unnatural and wantonly sinful. Reactions to discussion of this are occasionally scornfully angry and unpleasant.

Contrasting, those same boys and girls get off on watching a girl lying on her back while a half dozen circled around boys masturbate and ejaculate upon her face, breasts and in her mouth.

A half dozen grinning girls toasting and downing stallion shooters is classy and dignified. A half dozen boys ejaculating on a girl's face is crass and not dignified. Kicker is porno movie boys watching those circle jerk activities get all turned-on stiff, "Oh man, look at all that cum!" Dark humor is those scenes are not real, those circled boys are pretending to masturbate and are pretending to have orgasms while furiously squeezing those semen bulbs behind their butts out of camera view. This is all fabricated, all fake.

Drinking stallion shooters is bad. Squirting on a girl's face is good.

True life romance, sexually and sex are real, more than real at times, intensely so. These notions of lust and love must be based upon real feelings and real events to be healthy and enjoyable. Most of those dramatic scenes in porno movies are fabricated and fake. Porno queens fake orgasms, porno kings fake this with semen douches. Lot of squirming, screaming and squirting and none of this is real. This is all fake. Those scenes are not good role models for young nor old. Nothing is real, all is fake.

Late Saturday night we are lying about on our bed laughing and enjoying being sexually naughty in fun and silly ways. I tell our cowboy, "Grandma corncob curls my hair so I can seduce you into marrying me!" I get a playful hold on him, give him a tug and squeeze, "These days your big corncob curls my toes!" We laugh and smile. Lovingly ornery husband of ours grins and quips, "Must be the cornstarch!"