Criminal Minds: Sex Toys


During 2007 year failed presidential contender, Senator Ted Cruz, mounts a legal defense of a Texas law which has sales of and possession of sex toys a serious criminal offense warranting severe monetary fines and lengthy imprisonment. Then Texas state solicitor general, Cruz argues before a federal appeals court, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship...." Other words, Americans do not enjoy a constitutional right to use sex toys for private and personal sexual pleasure. Like his recent bid to be American president, Ted Cruz loses his appeals court case; God does not smile upon Ted then nor today.

You readers are to never attempt to purchase nor use sex toys. Although Ted lost all around at a state level, at a county and a municipal level there remains thousands of laws across our nation having sales and possession of sex toys a criminal offense punishable by thousands of dollars in fines and imprisonment in a local jail. Do not risk your freedom, do not earn yourself a criminal record by buying a sex toy for personal use within privacy of your bedroom and home.

There is no need to explain why sex toys are treated as a heinous crime against nature.

A friend, Amy, writes of a Wonder Wand brand name vibrator. Her husband is a gracious and loving man, he makes a speed controller for her Wonder Wand. Last year Wonder Wand introduces a cordless ten speed version which is super nice and sensuously satisfying. Wonder Wand now offers an optional speed controller for wall plug versions.

Wonder Wand is well made, durable, dependable and quite attractive in a variety of designer colors even when your eyes are closed tight. Reasonably priced, this vibrator is a good bargain offering years of fun and pleasure. This vibrator is top of the list for popularity amongst left leaning liberals and is legal to purchase in the lower 48 states along with Alaska and Hawaii as well. Be careful, though, not to suggest you are buying a Wonder Wand for use as a sex toy and don't forget to report taxes due if not collected on the internet; the tax man will come then seize your bank account and your home.

Should you be a right leaning conservative like our family, this vibrator is a good choice, an old fashion Wahl brand. Simple, unpretentious, this vibrator is a stout, a durable and a well made item like a 1948 GMC truck. Through years of frequent use our family has rolled over our Wahl odometer ten times into a million miles; takes a licking and keeps on ticking. A Wahl vibrator is well accessorized, affordable and available at high-end, high class retailers such as Walmart and Kmart. Be sure not to say "sex toy" to a store clerk, she will call police and someone will shoot a viral video of you been arrested for high crimes and moral offenses.

An endless assortment of colorful and imaginative sex toys are available through black markets and the dark web, but keep those stores and web sites a criminal secret as a matter of honor amongst thieves and the immoral. While shopping in a black market, if you do not know what an item is nor what this item does, simply set the thing back down on the store shelf then walk away. Chances are high you will hurt yourself.

No, don't you dare consider purchasing a rapid fire sex machine gun. Your vagina is not a proper place to shove a high-tech jackhammer then pull the trigger. By the time you manage to get off this dangerous machine, if you are not jack hammered unconscious first, you will feel like untouchable FBI agent Eliot Ness of old fired a tommy gun up there where this really hurts, might even suffer a loss of your blessed virginity. God will smite you to Hades for this.

Should you be psychotically bent on enjoying or suffering a sex machine jackhammer, our girl and I will affordable overnight rent you our cowboy. He is equipped with a nine inch chisel and is a delightfully gentle giant of a jackhammer; he will not leave your innards a pile of fractured and shattered rubble. I don't think renting out our boy for personal jack hammering is a criminal offense. Probably should check your local ordinances and laws.

Personal vibrators and sex toys are a lot of fun. Those are quite healthy both psychologically and physically. Almost all individuals and couples have at least one sex toy. Use of sex toys can lead to a better sex life through variety. Harmless, enjoyable, sex toys are safe and sane, mostly. I am not so sure about a sex machine gun, looks brutal.

Always remember within hundreds of cities and counties around America sales and possession of sex toys is a serious criminal offense. When shopping in an adult book store which sells more than just smut pulp fiction, be sure to pay with cash and wear a Ted Cruz Halloween mask so authorities cannot identify you through security cameras.