No Maybe Yes!


Over at "Sex Positions Club" there are two-hundred-forty-five diagrams of sex positions which are touted as enjoyable and fun. A good two-hundred-thirty-five of those positions look impossible or bone cracking painful. About a dozen positions are simply scrumptious!

NO. Neither yellow girl nor purple boy can move around, get aligned and slip him in there. Besides, purple boy can only hold his hundred and forty pound girlfriend like this for couple of minutes at best. He will drop her right down on her plump posterior.

NO. Yellow girl leaning into a wall, first lustful thrust of her hips purple boy will perform a rolling back flip. With all his blood rushing down into his bigger head, within a minute or two purple will feel like his brains are about to squirt out of his ears!

NO. Come on now, we humans are not butts-stuck-together dogs!

NO. Darling yellow girl doing a handstand on stairs, this is a sure bet she and purple boy will be rolling somersaulting down their staircase. Alright, you girl readers get down on floor then swing your legs up to sky and perform a handstand. Can you do this?

MAYBE. Possible sex position but this diagram looks better suited as an advertisement for cheap Ikea furniture, some assembly required.

MAYBE. Sure, yellow girl and purple boy can manage this but this is highly likely purple will need to visit with a chiropractor for a month of Sundays. This sure ain't how kids play horsey ride.

MAYBE. Yellow and purple can enjoy this if they are careful to rock as slowly as grandma does in her rocking chair. Yellow girl's back is bound to hurt, should she spread her legs to relax just for a moment purple will slip right down between her legs, butt plop down on her face then cut a boy fart. You know, a boy fart, one of those loud, noxious and smelly farts boys frequently make after scratching their butts.

MAYBE. Looks comfortable enough. There is a challenge, yellow girl's butt is sitting on floor. I don't know, maybe purple enjoys a three feet long slithering sidewinder of a snake between his legs.

YES! A certain favorite of our moaning and groaning cowboy! Tell you, he loves those slurping and slobbering sounds we big mouthful girls make for him.

After ten years of marriage, a shy but lovable girlfriend realizes her lackluster husband ain't any good in bed. They frequent a therapist and a sex therapist, nothing much changes, her husband is not all this interested in sex although they enjoy two kids. They eventually amicably divorce.

Our girlfriend bemoans being lonely and needing some loving. She is innocent, naive and frightened by bar-hopping dating. She hangs around with our family couple of nights a week, especially Saturday nights. She enjoys a good supper, has fun living room dancing with our cowboy, he is the best of leading dancer. She really likes his gently squeezing her buns and stealing kisses from her while romance dancing. This is the best fun she enjoys in ten years.

We are in bed, our girlfriend is enjoying to being giddy giggling. Her wishes for some great loving are coming true. She whisper asks my husband, "Would you like a blow-job?" This is bravely adventurous of our naive girlfriend. Of course he would, "Yes, ma'am, I surely would!" He always displays "ma'am" level respect for girls even in bed.

She slides down, looks up at us, sheepish grin, takes hold of our cowboy, purses her lips within an inch of his big head then starts blowing air on him. She really does this!

We look at each other, look at our girlfriend down there huffing and puffing. I wiggle my way down, cozy up to her and whisper, "Let me show you how he really likes this." I show her a big bunch of slippery slobbering stuff. She gives this whirl. Boy howdy, few minutes she is really going to town, she is wild about this new way of blowing hot air.

There is a lot more to sex than just double-jointed contortionist sex positions.

YES! On my word, YES! Every girl loves this. More enjoyable for a girl if a headboard to hold. This allows for finer dexterity and perfect positioning. This also makes for twerking SCREAMS!

YES! Sex surveys reflect this is the foremost enjoyable position of girls. Yellow and purple both enjoy a good measure of control and added pleasure by teamwork. Perfect alignment, straight in shot, this stallion-on-a-mare position is exceedingly pleasurable and most accommodating for our hung-like-a-stallion cowboy.

YES! YES! YES! Absolute most favorite position of us girls here at home. Rodeo riding provides a girl complete control and, oh, what a ride! Our cowboy gentleman doesn't mind our tugging on his reins, spurring his flanks and he really enjoys our getting a good grip on his big saddle horn. Ride him cowgirl! Yippy I O Ki Ay!

Those sex diagrams over at Sex Positions Club, nah, don't try those unless you can afford several months of chiropractic fees.