Suckercise


Our cowboy working out with a hundred-fifty pound barbell set. He exercises often, "I have to be strong to defend against you two girls when you get after my head with a stick!" When he misbehaves we girls raise knots on his head with a stick. Grandma teaches me how to hit his head with a stick when I am around five and six years old. I teach our girl how to hit her daddy's head with a stick around the same age. So he works out, limbers up and jogs for running speed. Our cowboy is strapping hard bodied. We lovingly enjoy a stunningly superb sex life.

Our daughter and I don't work out but we do frequent a gym. We pose for photos with exercise equipment while acting like we are pumping iron. We share our photos with girlfriends and brag on ourselves, bit of a feminine catty notion. Two of us girls are a tad bit ornery.

Researching to write an essay on sex education I come across many web sites offering services and products for "sexercising". Those companies offer lessons, books and equipment for exercising to enjoy fantastic sex. I am skeptical, I think they are just looking to make a buck.

Yoga makes sense, at first. Yoga does relax a mind and have a person feeling good. I am not so sure about this sex angle of yoga meditation. Most of this yoga for sexual activity is standard issue stretching exercises and balancing acts. I look at a photograph of a young yoga couple enjoying sexual foreplay. Something ain't right.

Most of those internet companies sell gadgets, gizmos and gigglers. This is a breast pump designed to enlarge a girl's breasts by vacuum, other words by sucking those girls bigger. This might be why our cowboy is so darn big but I am doubtful this makes breasts bigger. I look at another photo and think, "Should this girl's breasts swell to fit those big suction cups, her breasts will be walleyed and reside mostly under her armpits." I suspect those breast pumps are a ruse.

Boys may also enjoy sucking stuff. I find a "penis pump" which works much like a breast pump; creates a vacuum. If I were a boy, I would not stuff my penis in one of these things, this device looks suspiciously like a television commercial slice and dice blender. Might make Hong Kong chop suey of a penis. I think an antique Electrolux vacuum cleaner would be safer. A super-duper X4 model displays a boy's penis becomes three times larger. Nah, ain't going to happen, but a boy might rip off his pride and joy with a penis pump.

I remain highly skeptical those devices work wonders. If these flimflam devices produce results as advertised, Hollywood plastic surgeons and Viagra makers would be up arms and lobbying Capitol Hill to make those widgets unlawful. Something ain't right.

A good sex life cannot be purchased nor sucked to life. An enjoyable sex life is of the mind, is of two people looking to please each other. Scrawny wimp or muscular hunk, all may enjoy a great sex life simply with a bit of love in heart and in mind. Big boobs, a stallion penis, those don't make for a wonderful sex life. Love will, though.

A healthy diet and lots of exercise will certainly improve physical sex which does lend to a good sex life. With an easy sixty-seven percent of Americans ranging in weight from fat to obese, a decent diet and plenty of physical activity would benefit our society and maybe our sex lives.

Those books and widgets should not be labeled sexercise. Those are suckercise.

"Never give a sucker an even break." - W. C. Fields