CyberWitch


"She's a witch. I just know it. This gal is a real witch." The possible thoughts of a guy I am chatting with on America Online. I can see why he is thinking that. There are times my mind games fall together, actually work better than ever expected. Nothing special about leading him to think I am a witch. I am playing a hunch and making a few educated guesses. It isn't even a mind game, more like playing the odds, following the laws of averages. We are in a Korean chat room. Everyone is speaking Korean so chances are good, most everyone is Korean. No rocket scientist stuff in figuring that out.

We are chatting away, he is being nice, friendly, maybe a little flirting. "Well Mr. Kim, I am not so sure that...," typing in a response to some of his gentle flirting which I am enjoying. "How do you know my name is Kim?" He quickly responds having suddenly forgot about flirting with me. In my mind I silently think, "I didn't know, you just told me." Based on that little tid-bit some other educated guesses are made.

"Mr. Kim you are of average height, about 5 foot 8 inches, around 150 pounds, medium dark complexion, dark hair, stocky build and a moderately wide face. Your are also a third generation American Korean and you are going to college."

"Who are you? How do you know me?" Exactly as expected confirming my guess. "Mr. Kim we have never met nor do we know each other." In answering him with a confusing statement, which is similar to answering with a question, I am using a psychological tactic which elicits information.

In the end, I simply tell him I am a witch. I think he actually believes me. Truth is I was taking a chance on Mr. Kim being an average Korean. I played the odds and won. No. It wasn't mean. He really enjoyed all the attention I was giving him. Our conversation was centered around the tradition of family honor within oriental cultures.

Witches are real. They do exist. Warlocks? Nah, just witches male play toys. That's not to say men aren't useful, they are entertaining at times. Not often, but if a girl helps them along, sets them up for fun.

Most visualize a witch as an ugly old hag with a crooked nose, lots of warts and a bent over skinny bag of bones with a cackling voice. That's me for sure but I am no witch. We see them as living in some dark dank broken down shack amidst a spooky old forest or a crocodile swamp in some Bayou backwater area. Nonsense! Do you think a real witch would lead a life of poverty and discomfort? No way. She would put her skills and magic to use, then lead a life of luxuary. Some are even financial wizards as well as a witch.

Hetty Green is an American witch born in 1834. By the time she turned thirty, Hetty is worth an estimated ten million dollars. Mostly through an inheritance provided by a warlock father. See? Men can be useful. Of course it is her aunt, another witch, who provides most of her death monies.

Ms. Green chose to live a lifestyle of humility. She never owns a home and lives in cheap apartments. She is not one for extravagant dress, butlers or to maintain a high society profile. Witches need to keep a low profile. Perhaps she learned about keeping a low profile during the Salem Witch Hunts of the late 1600's.

To cover for her longevity she creates a cover story she is really Henrietta Howland Robinson born in New Bedford, Massachusetts on November 21, 1834. Clearly she didn't move far from Salem. She did marry and did have children, a little witch and an obnoxious warlock. Her husband, Edward H. Green, lived only a little over ten years after marrying her. Warlocks usually don't last long. How would a witch explain remaining young while her husband aged? By the turn of the century, Hetty Green is the wealthiest woman in America. Her fortunes are worth more than one hundred million big ones. Mind you that is in 1900 dollars. Today her wealth would be in the tens of billions or really big ones.

Because she kept a low profile, tried to avoid being discovered a witch and, led a simple life style, many newspaper articles were written about her. Back then it was called "Yellow Journalism". Today we would read about her in the Enquirer. It was not long until tabloids labeled her the "Witch of Wall Street".

She was an extremely adept Wall Street operator, a major railroad tycoon and owned pert near half of Chicago. Hette loaned out a lot of money to a lot of important people and at one time, owned almost all government bonds. She owned our government. Hanging her for being a witch would have bankrupted our Federal Government. Hettie was a smart witch. Great life insurance in owning the Feds. It may very well be Ms. Green was out to teach a few lessons, perhaps extract some old fashion revenge for the Salem Witch Hunts. Could be she was the wicked witch of the east coast.

Just a few years ago, in witch years, witches were persecuted much like today's homosexuals. In May of 1692, trial proceedings are initiated back east in Salem, Massachusetts. A handful of jealous little girls accuse some older women of being witches. Seems the older women like to rock and roll and are highly attractive to most of the men folk in Salem. History is little sketchy, but it is rumored some of the young boyfriends of the girls who complained were 'in lust' with the older womem.

Naturally many of the townsfolks are Puritans. I have no doubt they are one hundred percent pure under those funny looking clothes. Puritans would never have deviant thoughts nor lust after women as our former President Jimmy Carter admitted to doing in a Playboy interview, which may have cost him his re-election. Oh well, at least he has the balls to cop an erection. Actually the name Puritan is not quite the correct and original spelling. Over the years, for some unfathomable reason, Puritans original name, Prurient, was changed somewhat. Isn't it funny our laws regarding pornography describe it as, "...such material which appeals to the prurient interest of a person...."

By October of 1692 a good number of suspected witches have their necks stretched a bit by the Puritans of Salem, nineteen are hung. Even more are thrown into their local jail as suspected witches.

Attitudes suddenly change when the governor's loving wife is accused of being a witch. Somehow hanging the governor's wife is a little scary. Community leaders decide it is all nonsense and a big mistake. All of the jailed suspected witches are quickly released from jail and financial compensation is paid to the families of innocent victims hung. One, and only one of the judges, a man with balls like President Carter by the name of Samuel Sewall, admits to the townsfolks it is all a grievous error and he is ashamed of what happened. Duh.

Only the oldest of old witches can remember when they were first written about. Back in 1200 BC, yep, that's twelve hundred years before Christ, some scholars in present day India wrote about witches in a book titled, Atharvaveda. It is a book kinda like our Christian Bible, only harder to read and even more boring.

It is these really old witches which imparted an mage of ugly old hags. If you were over three thousand years old, even my blessed miracle drug Retin-A wouldn't cure those age old wrinkles, not that I wouldn't want to be alive for three thousand years. Money acquired over time will buy almost anything, even a young handsome stud. Mae West did quite well having a very young body builder when she was in her eighties. Another very smart cookie, go for the body, forget the brain. I wonder if she was a witch? The little boy of Hansel and Gretal fame, didn't he tell his parents the witch said, "Come up and see me sometime, big boy"?

Wealth and Witches. The two terms are a historical pair. An example is the witch of Hansel and Gretel fame. Nasty little brats anyhow. That poor rich witch went through all the time and trouble of building a nice gingerbread chateau in a very beautiful forest setting and look what happened to her. She comes across two lost children, a little boy and girl, who would starve to death in being so stupid as to drop their food along the trail leading to the witch's home. She offers them food and shelter, warmth and comfort. Her major mistake is in being so kind as to cook dinner for them. Look at what those little gang bangers do. They throw her into her oven and then make off with her wealth. Some say those cruel criminal kids were not at fault, being influenced by John Mellencamp's song, "Take The Money and Run."

So who is at fault for the bad reputation given to witches? During very ancient times, witches were known as doctors, shamans, priestesses, women with intelligence. They were able to cure many injuries, even disease. Reminds me of today. Women, housewives and lovers, are often responsible for keeping a family and especially the men healthy. Ask a man who has an exceptionally great lover in.. ahem.. bed and he will say his lover has supernatural powers.

Both Cultural and Physical Anthropology show civilization can be broken down into two broad categories. Hunters and Gatherers. Hunters almost always are male. They go out and hunt for food usually involving killing of animals. Women gather. They go out and collect vegetables, fruits, herbs, spices and minerals. Today traditionally men go out into a corporate jungle and women, into a shopping market jungle. Nothing has really changed much, just the jungles.

It makes good sense then women, over the millennium, have learned herbal healing, mineral medicine and simply, healthy choices in diet. We are, after all, the professionals in dieting. Logically a woman extra adept in these matters would be thought of as a healer, a shaman, a priestess or a witch.

Over millennium, women have learned to cope with mind games men play. Yeah, go on, admit it men, you're panty pilfers. Oh calm down. Most women realize you guys have an overwhelming instinctive urge to reproduce, often, and with as many women as possible. No. You can't blame us women but you can blame some other woman, Mother Nature. Besides sex is kinda fun. I do have some sensuous and rather supernatural powers of my own you know.

Witches bad reputation? Sweet Jesus. That is correct. Jesus Christ. Well perhaps not exactly. As you know a best friend to Jesus and a devoted follower during his death walk was Magdaline, a witch of a whore. With the advent of Christianity, witches are rumored to have ties to evil spirits, black magic and even Lucifer himself. Christianity cannot allow for magic, healers and witches. God is the only one with those powers. Witches were once known as good people. Before religion became a big hit, witches were the shamens, the healers, the wise ones. Then along came Christianity and the Dark Ages.

You do remember scientists were beheaded during the Dark Ages for proposing ideas contrary to religious believes. A giant in the world of intellects, Galilei Galileo came close to losing his head for suggesting our Earth is not the center of the Universe. I laugh when I think about the Vatican just recently admitting our Earth is actually not the center of our Universe. Here it is the 1990's and the Pope is just now realizing the Universe is a really big place and we are nothing but a fly speck compared to it.

Witches really aren't evil women. They have been misaligned, mislabeled and really misunderstood for thousands of years now. I know better. A witch once saved my cyberlife and my Retin-A wrinkle free cyberhide.

It is quite common for angry mobs to chase me down the streets of CyberSpace. Of course I do not have the slightest clue why people would become angry with little old me. Sometimes I think it some of the things I say, but who knows. It is hard for me to understand. I am nothing more than an innocent young gal who would never, never ever, say anything controversial or offensive. It simply is just not in my nature. Those angry mobs don't have a clue.

One night I burst into a chat room hoping to hide from an exceptionally angry and ugly mob, for the oddest reason they thought I terminated some accounts. Like dogs after a bitch in heat, they were at the door in no time at all.

A truly magical event occurred. A witch, in all knowing powers, realized I was in trouble. She offered to make me invisible. I accepted. Know what? I was able to strut right out the door and that angry mob never saw me. I even kicked one of the boys right in the... well I kicked him hard were it really hurts. I remained invisible from then on until I asked the witch to make me visible again. She did, but she also wiped my memory of her to protect herself. I really owe her. That witch saved my cyberlife and put a big ol' smile on my face. Darn it, I just wish I could remember which witch she is.