Being a woman, we here at Knob Hill Labs are quite certain you could use an ample lift in life.
You were selected from our secure and very private database to receive this amazing special offer.
Selection of you is based on your position in life, relative wealth, and most important, happiness index.
We know you are at a stage in life you are more than ready for something fresh, something very uplifting.
MAN-THING! is loaded with amazing features! Complete satisfaction is guaranteed! READ ON!
Look At These Technical Details! You will be amazed!
With expansion to 100 gigabytes of memory, MAN-THING! will have a standard Neandertal level artificial intelligence. MAN-THING! will be capable of making low level decisions of his own! All decision making abilities are programmed by you and are made only with your approval! With memory expansion, MAN-THING! will operate at a level allowing for a safe trip to a grocery store and return trip. You can even program him with a shopping list and ability to use an ATM debit card!
Programming MAN-THING! is so easy! Under his soft long lifelike hair, you will discover two auditory input devices which look remarkably like ears! MAN-THING! has exceptionally good "hearing" allowing you to program from a distance, no need to shout! Your owner's manual includes a full section on verbal command programming. You will be simply amazed by how many commands can be programmed into MAN-THING!
Additional special level software is available, for free, upon request.
Not shown in our photograph, MAN-THING! has two ball like adjustment knobs under his jacking handle, which are very easy to reach and manipulate. Facing MAN-THING! his left ball like knob controls the relative position of and dangle angle of his jacking handle. A little manipulation and his jacking handle will rise to a desired height, with a side-effect of longer length and greater diameter. A hard squeeze of his left ball like knob, will cause his jacking handle to fall and shorten to his factory default jacking handle size and position.
Again facing MAN-THING! his right ball like knob is an important safety feature. Gentle manipulation of this ball like knob adjusts his "pressure safety valve" a special valve to release a special jacking fluid should you inadvertently over jack MAN-THING! No harm will be caused by jacking MAN-THING! too much! This is simply a safety feature to prevent MAN-THING! from being too active, too excited in a sense. Should this happen, too intense operation without release, you will note this by a slight "blue tinge" to both his right and left ball like knobs. Should you notice this, easy to cure! Manipulate his jacking handle or adjustment balls until he releases a bit of jacking fluid.
Caution: under some circumstances, MAN-THING! may "spurt" jacking fluid, in small repeating quantities. Do not become concerned! This is a default function to protect his physical operating system. His jacking fluid is a safe, non-toxic creamy protein based stain-free fluid which is so safe, it is edible. This fluid even has a pleasant flavor! Clean up requires nothing more than a soft cloth and warm water.
MAN-THING! will never run low on jacking fluid; he generates a constant supply, internally.
MAN-THING! also sports an adjustable tongue, not noted in our photograph. MAN-THING! can be programmed for licking, sucking, biting and other specialized functions. His tongue is agile and capable of many actions including up and down motion, back and forth motion, in and out motion, even a surprising circular motion, all programmable by you! Adjustable speed as well; slow, medium, fast and vibrate! If you are interested in this feature, inquire about our "adult oriented" software. Amazing software!
Your owner's manual covers a large variety of other physical features of which MAN-THING! is capable. You will find all of his physical abiities to be simply delightful!
Notice his ON / OFF button in a central easy to reach location. Turn him on, turn him off, just like that! This feature is great for storage. Have MAN-THING! enter a closet of your choice, then turn him off! MAN-THING! can remain in an "off" mode for many years, safely.
You may find his ON / OFF button to be his best feature! With a memory upgrade, a full suite of software, MAN-THING! becomes a fully trainable Neandertal Man! Need a little time-out? Walk MAN-THING! into a closet, turn him off, close the door! He needs no upkeep while in his off mode!
Shipping weight: 160 pounds
Box size: loose or tight - guaranteed safe snug fit